So someone who does NOT want their UN known for fear of their BF getting mad I'm reposting this for them as they would like to see what else others have to say.

This person is 18 the BF 19. So any advice that you can give they can also most likely go get help from it them-self so that part is good.

What is going on is they have been with said BF for about 10 months. In this time frame he gets angry at her to the point she's afraid if he even saw a topic made by her he'd retaliate against it/ her for making it. He forces her into sex despite her saying no or that it's not the time for it, like just before leaving for a date for example.

He has to have hurt her so much in the short 10 months because she is now finding herself cringing when her FAMILY gives her hugs. Her own family being nice scares her and that is HIGHLY bothersome.

He has even gone so far as to end up leaving bruises on her when he takes his way with her. One instance she told me about he basically relocked the house door and took advantage of her when she was getting the door open to leave for a date with him.

It seems like this guy has BIG issues with anger and trying to control things to a large extent.

I've encouraged her to talk to family despite how tough it can be to admit/ talk such things with family. I've also advised going to a state office like dshs, planned parenthood and anything like it near her as they all are there to help get people out of such terrible situations even if all they can do is provide phone numbers and advice. Since those would be local to her area they will have the most info on what places help the most.

I've also advised her that I understand as much as she needs out NOW it can take courage to make it happen and to keep a journal and pictures when she can. I'm still mailing her but she is so scared to leave him and have him find ANYTHING seeking help on this that she has opted to only talk via mail since she can delete them and not feel as scared of him seeing it.

Addition: I asked how he is with her needing to do family things or him even interacting and he pretty much only wants her with him at any and all given times, isolating her as much as he can from other people.

Here's a bit from their mail when i asked about the family things and having tried to leave him before "He gets upset when I have things to do and he can't come over..

and when I tried to leave him he was texting and calling me constantly and buying me things and I didn't have any peace at all..

and I'm not allowed to hang out with most of my friends, either...he wants to know who I'm with, what I'm doing, what I'm wearing, when I'll be home, where I am, if he can come over.."

. your friend needs to get out of this relationship ASAP. does HE check her phone? here's an app for her to use. linking you to a video about it. Aspire App its free to use.

forcing into sex? that's rape isolating her from her friends and family? that's controlling behavior the fact that you're having to post this for her because she's so afraid of him? very bad

click me, i am a link

just about everything your friend is saying about her and her partner fits into the signs and examples on that site this is classic domestic abuse

your friend needs to gtfo that relationship as soon as possible

also tell her to be extremely careful, he sounds very likely to turn violent (rather, more so than he actually is)

click me too, i am also a link

this is from the same site, but this one focuses on ways for protecting yourself and getting the hell out of there safely

i am the worst at advice, i hope this helps D: and i hope your friend gets out of there safely!

[edit]

/chucks in a ping because i forgot to do that

She needs to get into some kind of protective program or move in with family, abusers turn much more violent when whoever they're controlling leaves them, or tries to. The sooner she gets help the better, the longer you're trapped in that situation the worse it gets.

- As someone who was also in an abusive relationship - she needs to get out YESTERDAY. Call the police, call her family, call a women's shelter, anything. He is raping her and even if he's not "hitting" her, it's still abuse and he can be arrested and prosecuted for it.

No it's not easy, but it can literally mean her LIFE. I was 19 and had a newborn baby when it started, and I was pressured to stay because of that. It took a while, but by being sneaky and deciding that fuck this bullshit, I got out. She can too. She has to before she is dead. I'm not exaggerating here.

She needs to get out, call the police, tell her family something

He is just breaking her down piece by piece and it will only get worse

It sounds like she understands what he is doing is wrong and this is not normal relationship behavior. i hope she can find the courage to do something, tell somebody and get some help.

Like what said, this path leads nowhere good and it may cost her her life :(

Thanks to you all so far! But sadly this is a user on subeta having these problem and idk where she lives other than USA it sounds like.

I've told her she needs away from him and asked if she's living with him or family. But either way it seems like he either has her over there so much or is where she goes. She hasn't told me yet what the living situations is, but I have warned her it can and will only be worse. All it takes is just one day he smacks you a bit, says he's sorry and it'll happen more and more to the point where even burned toast from someplace she'd have NO control of will have his rage vented on her. I know it's a scary and escalating issue no doubt on that.

I also advised her there IS such a thing as marital/ spousal rape that can be declared in a marriage but I wasn't sure what it's called in a non- marriage but together situation but am sure there IS something its' called and can be done about it. Which is part of why I urge her to write about it or take photos until she gets the courage to go get help/ talk to family.

Which I've told her she really SHOULD lean on her family in such a hard time as they will be her biggest support. I still won't understand why a victim of anything could ever not feel like they can talk to mom or a cousin or ANYONE. But I've never been in anything close to this for a bad relationship and I've always known I can depend on my family. I just hope it's the same for her and she's just having a tough time bringing it up to them. I know sometimes they feel like it's their fault for letting things get that bad/ finding someone so wrong for them/ many other reasons and they don't want to have their family feel badly for their bad decisions (which they really aren't their fault).

I've also told her he has EXTREME controlling behavior with all the questions about when she says she's going out with a friend. That it's mostly normal for your SO to ask the who, where and when you might be back just in-case you have trouble or some shit happens where you go. But other than that it's not normal to ask everything else, that some measure of trusting that you'll know what is ok to wear shouldn't be an issue and trying to self invite to everything isn't fair or right either. That him trying to shut her away is so wrong on many levels, getting upset when he can't go over to her family's things or in general over her going anywhere without him is not going to go well. One day, if he hasn't already, he's gonna start going to the places she says to make sure she's really going there with who she says and that's also unhealthy.

I told her once she gets out the only other thing she could do for him was to find out if anyone can have him checked out by a doc for his anger and controlling. But that once she's out she needs to stay away from him no matter what it takes.

I've nearly ended up in a similar situation but I got out of there fast, it will get worse the longer she's in there. Find some kind of reason to make a trip to see her family, birthday, grandparents, anything. If he demands to go, she'll be in a safe place and he'll be clearly outnumbered. It's really hard but it's for her own good. He will become increasingly violent and controlling.

If she can get to her family, she'll be a lot safer. Once she does, start locking down all social media and vanishing online. Abusers will track people down online to find out where they are.

It's not her fault, and she's not done anything wrong whatsoever. There's nothing to be ashamed of. He's a terrible, abusive person and she doesn't deserve that. Abusers will resort to killing their victims if they think anything has even slightly teetered out of their control.

If she can't tell her family before, go to them, then stay there. Don't leave, call the police, lock the doors, etc.

Every single thing you've said here is a -huge- red flag. She needs to talk to her family and get out of this NOW NOW NOW. Not tomorrow not a week from now, NOW. Cut off all contact, if he persists get a restraining order and stay entirely away from him. He sounds dangerous!

Also yes, that is rape. It doesnt matter if she's married or not. If she says no and he makes her do it, it's rape.

So turns out she currently still lives at home, but he wants her to move in. So far she's pushing it by saying she has to finish HS but won't know what to tell him/ say after that ends. I also told her talking to her councilor about this can be a good lead to help and being 18 they won't tell her family unless she wants them to know and help. Also they can be a good place for her to talk to her mom or other family about this and getting help to end it. She can live a much better life if he's not around I'm sure.

This is so totally horrible to reed. Sometimes i wonder how people can hurt someone like this. Some way she must find the courage to leave him, and search for help in Family and friends. This man has an illness, and he to are in need of help. he should ether be in prison, or taken care of by a medical treatment care.

I live in a quite small city in Sweden, and this summer we have had a horrible case of a 32 year old man, that after a long time of abusing his 23 years old ex girlfriend finally beat her to death in front of her 18 month old baby, then leaving the baby alone in the apartment, and with the help of two friends, they hide her body in the woods taking the Missing People Org, and search and rescue 5 weeks to find her.

I´m not saying something like this must happen to your friend, but living with an abusive, manipulative, violent and controlling man, something bad is just waiting to happen.

I hope with all i have, that she will get helped soon, and that she winds up withe someone that is good to her.

I agree with because even if something that horrible doesnt happen, other things very well could and just the abuse in and of itself is bad enough. If she lives at home instead of with him then she needs to just cut off all contact and tell her parents. If she's scared to, bring in a school councilor to mediate can be helpful but she needs to do this. They NEED to be aware of the situation so that they can do what they need to to protect her, and their house

Direct your friend to my pet Traumatized. Next, she needs to get out. She needs to be stronger than I was. I will never stop regretting what I went through. If she wants to chat to someone who has been through it, tell her to sMail me (or you can and I will pass on my email/skype). She is stronger than she knows but i hope to God she doesn't let it get to the point that I did... Three suicide attempts, a mental breakdown and many times waking up with a rope around my neck...

I'm pretty sure you've directed your friend to this topic, the links posted and she has read everyone's replies.

I just wanted to share this story (TW: swelling/stitches) I read yesterday that really got to me. Because it all seemed "okay" until it was REALLY NOT.